I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
