someone threw a dead crab at me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
two words: eviction party
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
