I smell stomach acid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
