Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
