I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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