My first STD was from a foam party
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
