If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
