sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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