His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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