he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
