maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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