I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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