I faked an abortion last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
