just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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