i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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