the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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