i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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