She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
