woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
