dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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