I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
