idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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