I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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