it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
