I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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