Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
