I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
