I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
