I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
