i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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