just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
