Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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