quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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