operation harelip BJ is a go
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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