did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
