Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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