pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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