If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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