Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
