I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
