Do you still have your period?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
