And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
