What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
