Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
