so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7