he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
