She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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