I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
