There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
