hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
