I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
