So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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