He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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