It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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