mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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