Four minutes until I can fart!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A+ Viking dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
