I have demons in me.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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