just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
