I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
