apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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