Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
